PRESENT
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/opinion/90841_kristof14.shtml
Monday, October 14, 2002
Public Enemy No. 1 shored up by Cheney couple years ago
President Bush and Vice President Cheney portray Saddam Hussein as so menacing and terrifying that one might think they've lain awake at night for years worrying about him.
But when Cheney was running Halliburton, the oil services firm, it sold more equipment to Iraq than any other company did. As first reported by The Financial Times on Nov. 3, 2000, Halliburton subsidiaries submitted $23.8 million worth of contracts with Iraq to the United Nations in 1998 and 1999 for approval by its sanctions committee. [....]
FUTURE
Monday, October 14, 2003
Iraq Renamed to Iraqiburton
President-for-Life Bush and Vice-Roy Cheney celebrate the victory over Saddam (Satan) Hussein by renaming Iraq.
Vice-Roy Cheney announced that the newly christened nation, Iraqiburton, signals successful "regime change" because the Halliburton Board of Directors, of which Cheney is a newly reinstated member, will be the new government.
President-for-Life Bush had something to say too: "We renamed the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers to something easier for me to pronounce: the Texas and Energy Rivers. And we got 'em a new flag too: it shows a sand dune with an oil derrick.
Minister of Culture and Justice, John Ashcroft, announced the "Faith Initiative". "We realize that the Iraqi people have a long, long tradition of Islam. But because Mohammaddism is too close to terrorism, we will gradually introduce them to the true light. Starting today, all Iraqiburton mosques are "Methodist Mosques". The old people can still recite from the Koran on any day, but the children will learn civilization from the Bible. Each Sunday, all children will go to the Methodist Mosque where a certified Christian will supervise re-education. Gradually, the new generation will take over as bona fide Christians. It will be great: finally, those Orientals will be able to sing on key!
Condaleezza Rice, the Minister of Sport, announced the formation of a U.S. football league. "We are happy to report that many Iraqis are tall and strong. They can't make full use of those traits in soccer, so we are switching them over to United States-style football.
Disney Corporation announced the conversion of Babylon to BibleLand, a theme park complete with Eden-land and Desert-Land.
Flights to Iraqiburton depart from Houston every hour on the hour.